The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,”Case dismissed!”

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, “Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays..”

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.”

The lawyer said, “Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.”

The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states,
‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.”

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and asked “Excuse me sir, aren’t you Moses?”

The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing.

Again George W asked, a little louder this time, “Excuse me sir, aren’t you Moses?

Again the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word.

George W tried a third time, louder yet. “Excuse me sir, aren’t you Moses?”

Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.

One of George W’s aides asked him if there was a problem, and George W said,
“Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet.”

To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied, “I can hear you and yes, I am Moses, but the last time I spoke to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness.”

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
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First Question:
You are participating in a race.
You overtake the second person.
What position are you in?
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Answer:
If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place,
you are second!
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(To answer the second question, don’t take as much time
as you took for the first question.)

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
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Answer:
If you answered that you are second to last,
then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you
overtake the LAST person?!
(You’re not very good at this are you?)
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Third Question: Very tricky math!
Note: This must be done in your head Only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000.
Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20.
Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
What is the total?
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Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator!
The decimal sequence confuses your brain, which always
jumps to the highest decimals (100′s instead of 10′s).

I was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping in a toy store and decided
to look at Barbie dolls for my nieces. A nicely-dressed little girl was
excitedly looking through the Barbie dolls as well, with a roll of money
clamped tightly in her little hand. When she came upon a Barbie she liked,
she would turn and ask her father if she had enough money to buy it. He
usually said “yes,” but she would keep looking and keep going through their
ritual of “do I have enough?”

As she was looking, a little boy wandered in across the aisle and started
sorting through the Pokemon toys.

He was dressed neatly, but in clothes that were obviously rather worn, and
wearing a jacket that was probably a couple of sizes too small. He, too,
had money in his hand, but it looked to be no more than five dollars or so,
at the most. He was with his father as well, and kept picking up the
Pokemon video toys. Each time he picked one up and looked at his father,
his father shook his head, “no.”

The little girl had apparently chosen her Barbie, a beautifully dressed,
glamorous doll that would have been the envy of every little girl on the
block.

However, she had stopped and was watching the interchange between the little
boy and his father. Rather dejectedly, the boy had given up on the video
games and had chosen what looked like a book of stickers instead. He and
his father then started walking through another aisle of the store.

The little girl put her Barbie back on the shelf, and ran over to the
Pokemon games. She excitedly picked up one that was lying on top of the
other toys, and raced toward the checkout, after speaking with her father.

I picked up my purchases and got in line behind them. Then, much to the
little girl’s obvious delight, the little boy and his father got in line
behind me.

After the toy was paid for and bagged, the little girl handed it back to the
cashier and whispered something in her ear. The cashier smiled and put the
package under the counter.

I paid for my purchases and was rearranging things in purse when the little
boy came up to the cashier. The cashier rang up his purchases and then
said, “Congratulations, you are my hundredth customer today, and you win a
prize!” With that, she handed the little boy the Pokemon game, and he could
only stare in disbelief.

It was, he said, exactly what he had wanted! The little girl and her father
had been standing at the doorway during all of this, and I saw the biggest,
prettiest, toothless grin on that little girl that I have ever seen in my
life Then they walked out the door, and I followed, close behind them.

As I walked back to my car, in amazement over what I had just witnessed, I
heard the father ask his daughter why she had done that. I’ll never forget
what she said to him.

“Daddy, didn’t Nana and PawPaw want me to buy something that would make me
happy?”

He said, “Of course they did, honey.”

To which the little girl replied, “Well, I just did!”

With that, she giggled and started skipping toward their car. Apparently,
she had decided on the answer to her own question of, “do I have enough?”

I feel very privileged to have witnessed the true spirit of Christmas in
that toy store, in the form of a little girl who understands more about the
reason for the season than most adults I know!

May God bless her and her parents, just as she blessed that little boy, and
me, that day!

Merry Christmas All

Author Unknown

My friend, I stand in judgement now,
And feel that you’re to blame somehow..
While on earth I walked with you day by day
And never did you point the way
You knew the Lord in truth and glory
But never did you tell the story
My knowledge then was very dim
You could have led me safe to Him
Though we lived together here on earth
You never told me of your second birth
And now I stand this day condemned
Because you failed to mention Him
You taught me many things thats true
I called you friend and trusted you
But I learned now that its too late
You could have kept me from this fate
We walked by day and talked by night
And yet you showed me not the light
And you let me live love and die
And all the while you knew I’d never live on high
Yes, I called you a friend for life
And I trusted you in joy and strife
And yet in coming to this end
I see you really weren’t my friend!!

A man fell into a pit and couldn’t get himself out.

* A subjective person came along and said, “I feel for you down
there.”

* An objective person walked by and said, “It’s logical that
someone would fall down there.”

* A Pharisee said, “Only bad people fall into pits.”

* A mathematician calculated how he fell into the pit.

* A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.

* An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.

* A self-pitying person said, “You haven’t seen anything until
you’ve seen my pit!”

* A holier-than-thou person said, “You deserve your pit.”

* A Christian Scientist said, “The pit is just in your mind.”

* A psychologist noted, “Your mother and father are to blame for
your being in that pit.”

* A self-esteem therapist said, “Believe in yourself and you can
get out of that pit.”

* An optimist said, “Things could get worse.”

* A pessimist claimed, “Things WILL get worse.”

* Jesus, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out
of the pit.

“The thing I know will give me the deepest joy — namely, to be alone and
unhurried in the presence of God, aware of His presence, my heart open to
worship Him — is often the thing I least want to do.”
– John R. W. Stott

“Why are you so late?” his friend asked.

I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game.”

“How long could that have taken you?”

“Well, I had to toss it 14 times.”